Flashback Friday

We will call it the young, dumb and in love edition.


December 2006, Casey graduates and gets his first post college job. We had a month to find a place to rent and we had FootFoot to think about. So we were determined to rent a place with a yard. Well not knowing about Realtor.com, I used Google and came across a Realtor finally that houses in our budget and could take us to numerous ones on the one day we could go look. Once we made our decision, dotted our I's and crossed our T's. We were set to move in 3 weeks, so let the packing commence. There was two things I was totally excited about, the kitchen and the master bath (that had a closet the size of a small bedroom).


Sadly though we didn't budget for the higher expense that come with renting a home and at the end of the first year we had to move. One thing for certain I hate apartment living.I miss having an open kitchen and garden tub. Now we know what expenses come with renting a home and can;t wait to try our hand at it again this fall or maybe sooner depending on where Casey gets his next job.

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It was like I was back in College.

Well add in a toddler and husband. Friday started off like any day might except Casey is home since at the moment he is jobless. He got up with Ian and played with him at let me sleep in, that was so sweet. Then I got up and got dressed to go hang out with Lolly and Avery. We met up at Stonebrair so that the kids could play but they close down everyday at 2pm to sanitize the kids area. After feeding Ian his lunch that I packed, we headed over to Lolly's to let the monsters run around outside. Well they did more then that Lolly broke out the Elmo water mat, which neither baby was sure of at first.

After some time fun time outside, we threw them in the tub. After everyone was scrubbed, Ian and I headed off to see his Godfather who had to have emergency surgery last week. After an interesting visit with them I decided that since we were only like 45 minutes from Boyd, I might as well head to my Daddy's. Well Ian and I arrived late enough to have a late super and put Ian to bed. Luckily we keep a Pack and Play at Nonnie and Pop's house. So the next morning my plans were to get up bright and early and head back home since I was going to Chelsea Handler with some good friends that night. Well me being me that isn't what happened, we end staying till after lunch and Ian having some much needed outside time.

  Well after getting on the road way to late, Ian and I  hit a major snafu on 114 right inside of Grapevine. We sat in the same place for 45 minutes. Once we finally got on 635 we were then stopped again by two more wrecks. So once I finally got home I had 20 minutes to get showered dressed and out the door to get to the concert on time. Somehow I manage to pull it all together and meet Kat and Kari there. Chelsea's opener was more funny then she was her's went from funny to raunch most of the show. After the show we  drove around for like a half an hour trying to find something to eat, once finding something I realized I was to tired to drive anymore and let Kat drive me back to Kari's to crash on the floor. Somehow while laying on the floor talking to my girls, True Blood got brought up and we watched the first episode and I was trapped. I love the show so much that I spent most of Sunday on Kari's floor watching the first season. After I finished season 1 of True blood and hanging out with Kari. I got up to go home and as I was walking out her apartment, I fell of the curb and sprained my ankle. I couldn't get up and walk it off nor could I wiggle my toes, so off to the ER we went.

Thanks to great friends Kari and Ryan who took me to the ER and waited with me to find out I had just sprained it. And needed to take it easy and rest it for a few days.

They then drove me back home since they had given me a shot of morphine and there was no way I could drive. I got home hugged Casey and then promptly fell asleep for the next 14 hours. 




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What's in Yours?

I know I blogged about what's in my make up bag awhile back but there has been some big changes in mine as of recent.

I went from mainly a mineral make up girl to looking for something with more coverage, because I have naturally flush skin. This make up goes on smooth and cover's everything I need. It comes with a sponge and a brush depending how much coverage you want. Yes it is a little more expensive then my old make up but with skin like mine, I have found I have to pay a little more to find make up that doesn't break out my skin. Benefit's Hello Flawless does just that. So if you are in the market for a new foundation try this.


Don't miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up? Disclosure: I paid my own money for this and wasn't asked to blog about this by anyone. 

Sneak Peak

This weekend was one big mess here is some hints until I can sit down and write a real post.
ER TRIP
CHELSEA HANDLER
RANDOM ROAD TRIP
2 UNPLANNED OVERNIGHT STAYS
WATER SPRINKLERS
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What's in Yours?

I decided after yesterday's rant filled, emotional ball of terror. That I needed to do something fun and light, not so much for anyone else but for myself. So I decided I would dive in to the darkness that is my purse and tell you what was in it.





What's inside (left to right): Prescription Sunglasses3 Containers of Hand lotion Reusable Water BottleDeodorantJournal Make Up Pouch IPhone3 containers of Hand Sanitizer2 Sets of Headphones 3 Single Boogie WipesIPod Mini Car Keys Tylenol Wallet Fold Up Reusable Shopping Bag 
 2 Business Card Holders NotepadCalender Ian's Nursery Name Tag From Last Sunday Pen Silver Spoon Yesterday's Mail  

 

Now I know that I need to purge some of that but most of that, I feel like I need. Gone are the Days of Tiny Cute purses. What are must haves in your Purse?

@#$%

I am tired of trying to find the good, life sucks right now. My marriage is in a rough patch, my son is sick maybe it might just be allergies, I hate living so far away from my friends and family, I want to go back to school, Casey last day of work tomorrow, I want to purge so many things from my home, and I need a break from it all a few days alone.
Where to start on the above mentioned things, lets start with Ian he has a cough and sometimes runs a low grade fever but they don't know whats wrong. If he hasn't started to improve by tomorrow they are ordering more test. I hope they get it figured out, we run out of insurance on the 30th and we can't afford cobra and getting on medicaid takes time. Then there is my my marriage my husband and I are both stubborn people, I am the one who wants to work and communicate and he is a sit stew then blow up and then forget it all. Neither of these things are working we have the same handful of issues that we have been dealing with for years, we are both responsible for different ones, neither of us is perfect but it is time for some change. We are about to spend a large amount of time being together all the time and if we can't start changing and working together instead of against each other it will get ugly fast. I love the area we live in but I hate it, I am so over living away from friends and family. Since his graduation we have lived on this side of the metroplex, which I am fine with I made friends then we moved to midtown Dallas and now it is an hour commute to see any of them. My family lives on the other side of the metroplex and he bitches that they have never came to see us over here so why should I want to go see them. Well I try to tell him because I love them and I need them. I am not like him and could live a life of solitude, I need friends and family. I am a social creature, he is not and that is one of our battles. You can hang out with friends with out spending money, but he thinks because we aren't flush like he thinks his friends are they we shouldn't hang out. He is the laziest friend I have ever seen yet somehow he has a group of friends that tolerates this, if he calls he gets included if not then oh well next time. I was supposed to go back to school this summer well yet again that has been put on the back burner do to Casey being laid off, I am tired of my needs being but last in his eyes. I understand that we can't afford it but when do I get to finish my degree. When do I get to take a chance to focus a little on myself and my spirit, I am so drained. I want to a large purge of my home of everything from clothes to crap we have moved over and over again and not unpacked, yet we are both pack rats. I need someone to come in and help me and by help I mean when I try and keep something throw it in the trash anyways. Our home needs this since we will be spending lots of time in it as a family in the coming weeks. I need to make our home more space efficient so that we can escape each other when needed, which will happen. Lastly I wish that I would be able to have a few days alone to build my spirit back up after everything that has happened in the last 2 months, seriously losing a baby, Casey losing his job, and then the everyday stresses. I am spent I need to reconnect with myself and start to heal. Which will never happen because I have no where to go where I could be by myself. Tomorrow is Casey last day of work, Ian's 15 month check up and the day I want to runaway. So any tips on how to come through these challenges, if you would rather email me then free you can find that on the connect page.




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When does the lasanga hit me in the face?

Last week I Twittered that Gabe, Ian and I were at the park. Well that was a great day. Today not so much, Ian hasn't had a wet diaper other then one this morning since Saturday evening. So we are off to the doctor again, Ian hasn't been acting any different just not peeing. Then we woke up to the third day of Grey skies, seriously mother nature take some midol. I need some sunshine. Casey's last day is Thursday the same day as Ian's 15 month check up, that means we will have been to the doctor three time in one week. Tension is high in our house, between me and my hubs the recent events in the past few weeks has taken it toll. I can't remember the last time we made time for us. We need a night away from life, and it's realities nights like that cost money even if it is just to take Ian to my parents to get the night. I am so over all this, I feel like Garfield on Monday's. Oh I forgot the best part of all this on my way home from Church Yesterday evening and got rear ended.





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Sass After Bath

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I am either Late or Early

I am stealing potluck from Texas Holly of June Cleaver Nirvana, which she post on Mondays. Well in the past 10 days I have had lots of little thoughts but none that seem worthy of a complete post. I mean with everything going on I am more scattered then ever and I am scattered all the time.  

•  We went back on BC to prevent any accidents as I am in no way ready to be pregnant again. 
• While there they are changing my happy pills, well I am on a combination of drugs while weaning myself of of my old meds, but on this combination I  feel the best I have felt in years. (Should I contact my doctor about maybe staying on both?)
• I forgot how much I liked 30 Seconds to Mars music until one of there songs came up on my Ipod. 
• I am scared about what the next chapter holds for us with Casey's time coming to a close at his current job. 
• I feel that our time in Dallas might be coming to a close. We have been up here since 2006 and with this last layoff we have opened our hearts to the option of relocation. 
• I am so upset with Ian's High Chair, I set him in it to eat his lunch the other day and the back broke in half. So if shopping don't buy the Eddie Bauer high chair from Target, we have had problems with it since we bought it. 
• So now I am trolling Craigslist and Resale Shops for one that is clean, in good shape. So please keep your eyes open for me. 

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In as many years.

Yep, Casey has received 3 of these in as many years. This economy is kicking our ass, when do we get a break. It isn't as if he works in an unstable field, he is a civil engineer, we are always working on projects related to this.

Seriously when do we get a break, every time I feel as our life is beginning to stabilize. Something happens, when do we get to relax for a moment and enjoy. I was just beginning to heal from the Hell of last month. Casey and I were beginning to start working on recovering our marriage, now we have to pull through this. These things are not easy on anyone, especially when coupled with numerous other road blocks.

Right now we are in a state of shock. We ask that you please keep us in your prayer. In an unrelated note this all happens right as I am giving my life back to God, and decide to no longer fight is plan for me and my family. Interesting timing my heart is softening but my head is filled with so much rage hasn't he tested me enough. When does he let me start to heal from all struggles of my past, my car wreck at 17 that but me in a wheel chair at 17. Then 6 weeks later taking a friend in a car wreck so very similar to mine. Never once at that time did I question his plan or get angry. The next year when he took another friend to soon I never questioned. When he led me to move away from home and venture away from all I ever new I listened and moved. Then 2 years later when he took my beloved cousin Rusty, I started to question I turned my back to him(I never renounced my faith but I didn't listen to his plan for me). During that time he gave me a beautiful health baby boy. Now as I am opening my heart back up to him he tests me, why?

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Picture From Flickr

Having a Moment

As I am sitting here watch Christian Siriano's Moment. I feel like I need a moment actually I need more then a moment. I need more along the lines of a weekend, I need some time to mediate on some things and be alone with myself. Since shortly after Christmas it has been that I have been physical or emotionally drained. In the last 4 weeks it has came to the point where I am no longer Bobbi Janay, but more of a shell of her. I am not the wife to Casey that he needs me to be. There is so much he needs me to be and I haven't been fulfilling any of his needs. I have been hard headed, short tempered, and our marital bed has been empty. I am afraid to admit this but I have been nothing but going through the motions with Ian for the past few weeks. When he calls me to get out of bed in the mornings, it takes every once of strength I have to go get him. Most days have gone by in a haze, I am lucky enough to have a son that loves independent play. I have been failing as a friend, I know that my friends need me to be a better friend then I have been recently.

How can I recharge myself? I know that I am working on my relationship with god (yes readers I am christian) but I that won't fix everything. I know I need that I need to make other changes to my life. How do I go about making these changes, getting them to stick and healing myself so that I am more then a shell? How do I make those that care about me see how much I need sometime to myself to mediate what changes need to be made?

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Blogging, Brands, and Questions

Since the end of December I have been in a funk, blogging wise. I have been falling back on pictures and little anecdotes. When I have so much I want to say, so much on my mind. I have been afraid of putting it out there, some of these topics will be of topics that are of a sensitive nature. What I find so funny is I have never been shy about talking about anything, so why am I so scared of blogging these things all of sudden.

The answer is and isn't simple. I was confused about which way I wanted to take my blog. I am so tired of the word Brand, if I hear one more person ask me how I am going to grow my brand. I have been blogging since 2004 and in the past year I have heard my blog called a brand more then ever. I am confused by this when did my blog become a brand? When did it stop being an outlet for me and become a business? Yes I do an occasional review and giveaway, but does that make my blog a brand? Some days I dream of growing my blog and doing more with, most days though I love it the way it is. I can write about whatever I want when I want (that is why I started blogging in the first place, way back in 2004 on livejournal). So why would I want to change what I love.

Yes I have attended a blog conference and  plan on attending more. I attend these to learn but that isn't the main reason I go. I go to meet just a small percentage of some of the fabulous people whose blogs I read and to meet new blogs to read. Yes these conferences do tend to focus on growing your blog (which I wouldn't mind doing but, I don't want to sacrifice me to do that.)

Blogging has brought and taught me so much over the years. I have met my best friend through blogging. Even though we have been in each others life  just a short time we have already been through a lot. She has seen me at my absolute worst  and yet still calls me her friend, she must be crazy. If it wasn't for beign honest and me on my blog I would have her so, why should I change who I am to build my brand? When being me brought me amazing friends.













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Birthday Fail

So today is my 25th Birthday, maybe I have always had good birthdays. Today though was straight out of Sixteen Candles. My mom was all about Easter for the past month, she never once mentioned it was my birthday. She showed up with an Easter basket for Ian, but didn't even say happy birthday when she saw me.
Yes people I understand the importance of Easter, but seriously I am her only child and all she can talk about is Easter. I only turn 25 once, my birthday is only once a year. I am sorry if this day matters to me. It isn't just my birthday that is a big thing to me, I take all birthdays serious. If you are my friend are family your birthday is all about you. So I am sorry if I like my special day to at least acknowledged. I am sorry if you think that is selfish that I want the day to be about me, but seriously ignoring it doesn't make me feel very good about myself.

I am not even going to mention the hateful things she said to me when she got mad at me. Well wait I will add this one gem, she threatened to take Ian away from me(yeah right).





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FlashBack Friday

I don't know if you all know that my 25 birthday is on this coming Sunday(yes Easter). So I am going to flashback to my 21st birthday, birthday is the theme of the week. In the above shot I am taking a shot with JonJon as we share the same birthday, on our actual birthday we had a few drinks to celebrate. That weekend is when the real celebration of me turning 21 happened and that was a night for me to forget/remember.

In the above pictures I am dancing against my BFF from growing up LOU and she is not very happy with me as I had been doing that all night. The next photo I made come over after his shift in the coffee house attached to Sbisa (he didn't get off till 12 am), and he is anti touching so of course I ran and jumped in his arms. Lastly Baby ended up in the corner, they did that to me to keep me from getting kicked out of the bar for being DRUNK. I may not remember the details clearly but I do remember being surrounded by those who I love and love me. Hopefully my 25 will be the same.



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